Week LXIII (396): April Foals Breed GOING BOLDLY to NO EXCUSE NEEDED and name the foal RICH PARDON. Breed DEVIL'S DANDY to DRIVE and name the foal ROUTE 666. Breed ANIBAL to BIG TALKIN' MAN and name the foal ANIBAL LECTURE. Breed DANTHEDEALMAKER to CAPTAIN MARTY and name the foal STILLNOSUPERBOWL This week's contest was proposed, as it is proposed every year, by Mike "Mikey the Tout" Hammer of Herndon, who, as his nickname suggests, is a lifetime member of the New York Stock Exchange. Just kidding. He would never throw money away so irresponsibly. He does like horse racing, however. Around Kentucky Derby time, Mike supplies us with the names of all the horses qualifying for the Triple Crown races and suggests we mate any two and come up with appropriate names for their foals. Maximum 18 letters and spaces. As always, you may ignore the genders of the horses, if -- like Mike -- you happen to know them. The full list of horses appears on page 3. First-prize winner gets a Nicole Miller-designed silk tie colorfully representing all the excitement of Derby Day. It is filled with horses and trophies and roses and tickets and saddles and women in silly hats. For an expensive designer silk tie, it is truly hideous. From the Tony Kornheiser collection. Value: $ 50. First runner-up wins the tacky but estimable Style Invitational Loser Pen. Other runners-up win the coveted Style Invitational Loser T-Shirt. The Uncle's Pick wins the shockingly ugly "The Uncle Loves Me" T-shirt. Send your entries via fax to 202-334-4312; by e-mail to losers@washpost.com; or by U.S. mail to The Style Invitational, Week LV, c/o The Washington Post, 1150 15th St. NW, Washington, D.C. 20071. Deadline is Monday, April 16. All entries must include the week number of the contest and your name, postal address and a daytime or evening telephone number. E-mail entries must include the week number in the subject field. Contests will be judged on the basis of humor and originality. All entries become the property of The Washington Post. Editors reserve the right to edit entries for taste or content. Results will be published in four weeks. No purchase required for entry. Employees of The Washington Post, and their immediate relatives, are not eligible for prizes. The title of next week's contest was rewritten (below) by Russell Beland, Springfield, who thought up this extra little weekly competition because he just can't leave well enough alone. REPORT FROM WEEK LIX (392), in which we asked you to substitute your own wording in a panel from the March 11 comics. Second runner-up: [Kids making disgusted faces] "It's true! Diet Dr Pepper does taste the same as regular Dr Pepper!" ("Red and Rover", Kelly Hoffman, Fairfax) First runner-up: [Husband to wife] "I can't dress like this every time your mother visits. Just tell her you have live-in boyfriend and be done with it." ("Zits", Jean Sorensen, Herndon) And the winner of the sperm bank: [Outside cave, bear bonks cat on head] "Alan Greenspan meets the 2001 stock market." ("Mutts", Drew Knoblauch, Falls Church) Honorable Mentions: [In bed, Kim] "Keep your hand to yourself!" [Mike thinks] "I never should have married a bowling ball." [because her round black-haired head is all that's visible to him] ("Doonesbury", Chuck Smith, Woodbridge; Pamela Zilly, Cabin John) [Man, as something crashed to the floor] "Hmmm, I thought we got the room ABOVE the honeymoon suite." [Woman] " " ("Judge Parker", Steve Fahey, Kensington) [Tank, to TV audience] "Wow, the XFL's creator is committing hara-kiri right on the field! That should get tonight's ratings up!" ("Tank McNamara", Jennifer Hart, Arlington) [Mother, driving, thinking of the errands she has to run] [possibly child in back seat, as mother thinks] "And if something should be found . . . that one is not generally not accustomed to come across in scholarly writings, the reader must forgive my jocundity, just as I, in order to lighten the burden, sometimes sing at my work. '...Kierkegaard, The Concept of Irony'" ("The Family Circus", Drew Knoblauch, Falls Church) [Mother, driving, thinking of the errands she has to run] "I'm Slim Shady, the real Slim Shady ..." ("The Family Circus, Mike Edwards, Manassas) [Mother, driving, thinking of the errands she has to run] "I sure hope WE don't get moved to the business section." ("The Family Circus", Walter Webert, Bethesda) [Father] "Look, Hillary, four aces ... is that good?" [Child] "Good going, Dad. I almost had her entire Barbie collection." ("Sally Forth", Stephen Dudzik, Olney) [Female shark, in cook's hat, as male shark starts to eat dinner] "I hope this aphrodisiac works--it's your cousin Morty's fin." ("Sherman's Lagoon", Jennifer Hart, Arlington) [Server, to customer, as chef is looking under furniture, with cleaver] "The chef is still looking, but we seem to be running low on the All You Can Eat special. Can I interest you in the Half as Much as You Can Eat special?" ("That's Life", Russell Beland, Springfield) [Server, to customer, as chef is looking under furniture, with cleaver] "The coq au vin is very fresh tonight, sir." ("That's Life", Chris Doyle, Burke) [Two boys, each wearing "I'm With Stupid" shirts] "Bill Clinton and Jesse Jackson get together to discuss their post-election plans." ("Big Nate", Martin Ford, Clifton) [Woman holding hand of American Indian] "Don't worry, Iron Eyes, I promise to keep America beautiful." ("Mary Worth", Stephen Dudzik, Olney) [Boy in bed, thinking] "And when I grow up I'll publish my own magazine, and stay in my PJs all day, and sleep with lots of bunnies" ("Marvin", Russell Beland, Springfield) [Pvt. Zero, typing (h/t to Bert Klimas for the ID [Ed.]] "Dear Senator: I am concerned about the feasibility of the Strategic Defense Initiative in view of the fact that we don't have computers yet." ("Beetle Bailey", Mike Genz, La Plata) [Pvt. Zero, typing] "a s d f g h j k l ; ' z x c v b n m , . /" ("Beetle Bailey", Stephen Dudzik, Olney) [Pvt. Zero, typing] "Dear sir: Please send back the bottom half of my face." ("Beetle Bailey", James Pierce, Charlottesville) [Woman] "What's THAT?" [Man, holding what looks like John Bobbitt's penis] "I dunno, I found it on the side of the road in Manassas." ("For Better or Worse", Tom Witte, Gaithersburg) [Leader of group struggling through the desert] "Dudes, I know we got a lousy hotel for spring break, but I swear, the beach parties are probably right over the next hill." ("Prince Valiant", Jennifer Hart, Arlington) [Man thinking, while plowing behind oxen in the rain] "Note to self: Get 'Taxation Without Representation' plates for plow." ("Prince Valiant", Roy Ashley, Washington) [Baldo finding magazine on store shelf] "The last place Baldo expected to see his father's picture was on the cover of Neonecropedophilia Today." ("Baldo", Niels Hoven, Camperdown, Australia) [Hagar, pointing] "Hamlet, walk this way." [Hamlet] "Daaaad, please! Vaudeville won't be invented for 900 years." ("Hagar the Horrible", Ervin Stembol, Alexandria) The Uncle's Pick: [Young male yokel] "I swear to thee by Cupid's strongest bow." [Young female yokel] "Come, sit thee down upon this flow'ry bed while I kiss thy fair large ears." ("Barney Google and Snuffy Smith", Chris Doyle, Burke) The Uncle Explains: How refreshing to experience the timeless beauty of a "Midsummer Night's Dream" in this pastoral setting without the expected (in this milieu) crude play on "bottom"! April Foals: The Full List of Horse Names for The Style Invitational A LIFE IN MUSIC A P VALENTINE A. P. TOPPER ABDUCTION ACCOUNTABLY ACT OF REFORM ACTION REQUEST ACTIVATE ADIOS MY FRIEND ADVANTAGE POINT AFFAIRINTHEFOREST AGE OF EMPIRE AIRY HILL AL BARRAK AL KHAASER ALFAYIZ ALMOSTASHAR AMERICAN CENTURY AMERICAN PASTIME AMJAAD ANBAR ANIBAL APACHE WINGS ASLAAF ASSMAR ATLANTIS PRINCE AUDIX AWESOME POSSOME BACOMA BAIL OUT THE KING BAKHOOR BALLADO'S DEVIL BALLECTIC DANCER BALTO STAR BANK BANK STREET BARNABUS BASEBALL CHAMPION BAT RUNNER BAY EAGLE BECKETT BIANCO APPEAL BIG BOSS MAN BIG TALKIN MAN BIG WILL BILLS PAID BLACK MINNALOUSHE BLOW THE WORLD BLUESBREAKER BOHEMIAN GROVE BONNARD BONNIE SCOT BRACKEN COUNTY BROAD INITIATIVE BUBBA'S COLORS BUCKLE DOWN BEN BURNING ROMA BUTTERFLY BOY CALSTER CAPTAIN MARTY CARSELAND CARSON CITY LIMITS CATHODE CEE DEE CELTIC SILENCE CHAIRMAN A. P. CHAMBALUTZ CHARMING MICHAEL CHEPO STAR CHEROKEE BEAU CITY ZIP CLEAR EXCELLANCE CLUTCH PLAYER COKE'S TRIBUTE COLONIST WILLS COMIC GENIUS COMPENDIUM CONFLAGASION CONGAREE COPPER COUNTRY CORAL KEY CORPORATE SHUFFLE CORRUPTION COUNTTHREECHIMES CRAFTY C. T. CREDIT CRUNCH CYANE'S THUNDER D'WILDCAT DANTHEDEALMAKER DANZIG'S PEACE DARING BID DARING PEGASUS DASH 'N DANCE DATE MORE MINORS DAUNTING DAYTON FLYER DEELITEFUL IRVING DELICIOUS DEVIL DELIGHTFUL MOMENT DELTA WHEEL DENIED DEVIL'S DANDY DEVILS ALITO DIM SUMS DISCREET HERO DISTILLED DIVINE HAMMER DIVINE SPIRIT DOLLAR BILL DON'T QUIT ON ME DR GREENFIELD DREAM RUN DREWMAN DRIVE DRUMCLIFF DUALITY DUBAI VISION DUBAI WORLD DUBAI TO DUBAI DUPLICATE TICKET DYNAMITE CAT DYNAMIX E DUBAI EARLY FLYER ELEVEN WEST ELMO'S SONG ELVIS REPUBLIC EQUERRY EXPRESS TOUR FAITH'S WISH FAN CLUB'S MISTER FELIX PARK FIERCELY FIFTY STARS FIGHTING BULL FINDER FIRST BOOK FIRST SPEAR FLAGS AT DAWN FLEETSTREET DANCER FLYING HERO FREE THOUGHTS FREUD FRIDAY'S A COMIN' FROLICUS FULL SCALE FULL OF WONDER FUN MAKER FUN AND SUN GALILEO GENERAL TIBBETS GIFT OF THE EAGLE GLENS GAMBLER GLITTER'S ALONE GLOBAL GAIT GLORIOSO GO UNDERGROUND GOAL LINE GOING BOLDLY GOLD TRADER GOLDEN TICKET GOLDEN VICTORY GOTHAM CITY GREAT BLOOM GREEK STAR GRIFFINITE GRIFTER GULCH KING HADRIAN'S WALL HALO'S STRIDE HANS ANDERSON HARMONY LODGE HAWKEYE HELLCAT PILOT HEMINGWAY HERO'S TRIBUTE HIGH CASCADE HIGH COMMISSIONER HISTORICAL MARKER HOLIDAY THUNDER HOMEM RA HOOVERGETTHEKEYS HORRIBLE EVENING HOT RIFF I LOVE SILVER IDEAL CUT IMPRESSIONIST INCA MAJESTY INDY LEAD INDYGO SHINER INSCRUTABLE INVISIBLE INK IPSYPIPSY IRISH LURE ISHIGURU ISLEEMAILYOU IT'S SO SIMPLE IZZY BIGGS JACK TO A KING JACKPOT JAMAICAN RUM JENDALAWI JOE'S SON JOEY JUST ALLEN KANANASKIS KAZOO KEATS KEEPIN IT REAL KENTUCKY SQUALL KINETICS BOY KING CHARLEMAGNE KING SNAKE KING'S COUNTY KRIS HAVINGFUNNOW LA LA'S PASSION LAJEEF LASERSPORT LE GRANDE DANSEUR LEARING AT KATHY LETHAL AGENDA LOADED BRUSH LOIS'S LEGACY LOV IN EXCESS LUCAYAN CHIEF LUCKY SCARAB MACHO UNO MAJESTIC SEA MARCIANO MARHOOB MARK OF ROYALTY MAROON CREEK MASTER PLANNER MATTA MAX'S FRIEND ME AND THEE MEDIA MOGUL MEDITERRANEAN MEETYOUATHEBRIG MERCENARY MILAN MILITARY TUNE MILLENNIUM WIND MINARDI MISTER APPROVAL MOISUISATOI MONARCHOS MONGOOSE MOZART MR NOTEBOOK MR. DILLON MR. JOHN MT. BLAKE MT. VIDMORE MUCH TOO TOUGH MUSKRAT RAMBLE MY TWO SONS NASHVILLE CAT NAWAR NELSON STREET NEW PROGRAM NINER'S ECHO NO EXCUSE NEEDED NORTHEND NORTHERN POLE NORWAY NOVERRE OFF CAMPUS OLD KENTUCKY HOME OMMADON ON SABBATICAL ONE FOR NICK ONE SPECIAL JUDGE ORIENTATE OUR LIL AFFAIR OUR SHINING HOUR OUTOFTHEBOX PAGING PALADIUM PLAYER PALMEIRO PAPA M AND M PARENTS' REWARD PARTY TOWN PEBBLE ISLAND PERCY HOPE PERIGEE MOON PERSONABLE PETE PETE SHURE PETROV PHONE RULER PICCOLO PLAYER PIRATE OF PENZANCE PLATINUM TIARA PLEASANT GAMBOL PLEASANTLY PERFECT POINT GIVEN PRIVATE SON PROCREATE PROJECT HOPE PROMISED PROSPECT PROSPECTOR'S GIFT PROUD MAN PROUD TOWER PURE PRIZE PYRUS QAWAQEB QUICK RIB QUINARY QUITE CARELESS RACE ON GREEN RAHY'S SECRET RAVEN KING RECREATION RED ANTICS RED BOX RED JARED RED'S HONOR RING IT UP RIVER GOD ROCK SLIDE ROCKY FALLS ROMANCEISHOPE ROMANTIC BULL ROMOLO'S FRITZI ROUGH HOUSE RUDE CAT RUNNING BRUSH RUSSIAN MYSTERY SAINT DAMIEN SAINT IZZY SAINT VERRE SAINTS AND ANGELS SAM LORD'S CASTLE SAN PEDRO SATURDAY IN MAY SAVED BY THE SWORD SCORPION SEA TO SEE SECRET PRO SEEKING DAYLIGHT SELSAAL SENATOR RUBY SHAKE THE DICE SHE'S A DEVIL DUE SHIFT RIGHT SHIP SHAPE SHORE BREEZE SIGNORE PASQUALE SILVER SPEAR SILVERTONGUE FOX SIR ROCK SIZZLING SKY HUNTER SKY OF GOLD SLEWSTON SLIGO BAY SMOOTH WOOD SNAKE MOUNTAIN SO URGENT SOLITARY VISION SONGANDAPRAYER SOUND AFFECTS SPECIAL SAINT SPECTACULAR CAT SPEIGHTSTOWN SQUIRTLE SQUIRT STABLE SECRET STANDING APPLAUSE STANLEY B STARTAC STEAMBOAT STEINERS BABY GIRL STORM BRUSH STORM CRAFT STREET CRY STREET PLAYER STRIKE IT SMART SWEET RICKY SWING LORD SZEP TALK IS MONEY TEE CAT TESIO TEXAS SCRAMBLE THE GOO THERE'S ZEALOUS THESIS THIS FLEET IS DUE THRILLION THUNDER BLITZ THUNDER BULL TIGER TRAP TIME TO JET TONY'S LOC TOPDOWN TOUCH TONE TRAILTHEFOX TRIBUTE TOTHE FARM TRU BULL TURNBERRY ISLE TURNER'S HALL ULTRAVASE UNBRIDLED MAN UNBRIDLED TIME UNBRIDLED VISION UNCOMMON [ UNNAMED-1] UNPRECEDENTED UNREAL PARTY UNTIL SUNDOWN UNUS MARTAN VERDI VICECHAIRMEN VICTORY ROAR VINNIE ROE VOLPONI VOODOO VROOM VROOM WAASED WARLEIGH WATCHING WEST ORDER WESTON FIELD WHAT'S YOUR WISH WHEAT PENNY WICKED WILL WILD HITS WILD SUMMER WILD YEARS WINDOW B WINDSOR CASTLE WIRES WITHOUT PRETENSE WORTH SPRINGS WOW YIFLAN YOU KNOW WHO ZARPA